Strong and Courageous

"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly more than we ask or think, according to the power that works in us." Ephesians 3:20

38 days of massive internal bleeding. Over 90 transfusions. Metastatic cancer. Pain. One failed procedure after another.

None of those things sound like "abundantly more". None of those things sound like answered prayers. None of those things sound like blessing.

But I can tell you that we have truly experienced a presence, goodness, and grace far beyond what we could ask, think or imagine and it's completely reframed how I read that verse.

Your Presence, Lord

Late last night, Michael made the courageous choice to be intubated. He reassured me that he felt it was what the Lord was leading him to do and wanted to do whatever he could that would allow him to continue to fight with all he has. The ventilator is designed to give his lungs a rest and breathe for him. He had struggled to breathe for so long and was concerned, despite his own will and strength, that his lungs would simply quit.

I was ushered out of the ICU while they did the procedure. The first report wasn't good. His oxygen was dangerously low, even on the ventilator.

He might go to heaven tonight.

It was a very kind way to share something painful. Of course, his body is tired. He's been through hell. But like before, I just knew he was going to be okay. Not only did I feel the Lord's presence with me confirm that in my spirit; I also know my husband.

He's a fighter.

A warrior among men.

Filled with courage and strength.

The second report was better. He was stable. They were able to remove a clot from his lungs as well. The team told me he would be heavily sedated, and like most people they intubate, he probably wouldn't know I was there or be aware of anything for at least a day or longer. But not Michael.

However, by the time I was able to see him, even with the heaviest sedation and pain medications they had on hand, he was still completely alert and was able to write and communicate. The staff marveled several times at his resiliency and how well he tolerated something so difficult while fully aware. I'm thankful he knew I was there, but I hated seeing him struggle with the pain. And although they allowed me to stay late, I was still required to leave before they were able to get his pain under control.

But yet, despite the circumstances and the day not turning out remotely as we had hoped, not an ounce of fear, worry, despair, heartache or anxiety touched me. I could see it in Michael's face, too. He was filled with courage and hope. He didn't feel distraught or desperate. He was focused on conquering this next thing and getting to the final goal of being whole, healed, and back home to me and the boys.

There was such a palpable heavenly presence surrounding me as I walked out of the room and away from him - even joy sprung up in my soul. I knew the Lord was going to minister to Michael in his pain. He may not even take it from him, but He will draw near him in it. And that's enough.

His presence is enough.

Salvation is enough.

Victory over sin and death is enough.

Our good and gracious Father has already given each of us abundantly more than we could ask or imagine. But He does it over and over again, too. Not just in prosperity. Not just in answered prayers or accomplished dreams. God Himself is the gift.

The peace in the storm.

The hand that holds our head high.

The mighty fortress in the night.

The banner covering us in the battle.

The joy that fills our souls.

The love that conquers fear.

The assurance of our salvation.

The well that never runs dry.

The rest in the wilderness.

When He manifests Himself in areas that appear hopeless and feel harrowing, you just can't help experiencing a faith and a praise that rises in your soul. Over and over He's filled our cups. Over and over again He's met us in the valley. And over and over again I will praise Him.

Heavenly Father, Great I AM, "Because Your love is better than life, my lips will glorify You. I will praise You as long as I live, and in Your name I will lift up my hands." Thank You for giving us abundantly more than we could ask or think. It's beyond what any of us deserve but You still pour out your great love and mercy upon us day after day. I am just so grateful. I pray blessings over my husband for his courage, his willingness to keep fighting, and the example that he sets. I thank You that You're fighting for him, too. Our eyes are on You, Jesus.